dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
