Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
