I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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