drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
