oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
