cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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