And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can Purell be used as lube?
The best revenge is premature balding
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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