I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
