Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize