He felt like a one man threesome
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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