don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
