she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
