and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
