The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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