Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
