sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
