Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
