She said her name was "party"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
