I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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