If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
