he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
