the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
