considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
