There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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