Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
