That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
