Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
