it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
