What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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