I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
