You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
