when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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