so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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