I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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