You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
