Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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