Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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