mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
