watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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