I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
