where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
