I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
