i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
