i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
