make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
