I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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