i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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