So drunk its hurt
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
