Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
