From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
