My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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