Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
