Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
